Chapter 11: Moping

BEEP-BEEP-BEEP.

"Sicily? Can you hear me?"

Someone was calling my name. Open your eyes, Sicily. My eyelids finally listened. The darkness was replaced by bright hospital lights. I was still a little groggy from the pain meds, but I recognized the Sim who was talking to me.

"Hi. I can hear you."

"Sicily, I'm your brother, Christian."

"Mm-hmm."

"I'll let you rest for now. You are safe."

"Thank you."

---

Great. I was pregnant with that psycho's baby. I really hoped the kid wouldn't ask about its father. So far none of my children, except for Augustine had asked about their fathers. Maybe I am doing something right and they feel our family is a whole even though it's different. My arm had healed and I had been keeping in touch with Christian. I was glad that I now had someone to talk to, although I wished we had met under different circumstances. Finding your little sister beaten up without any pants on really isn't the greatest way to be introduced.

Barium and Abriola were really good kids. We ate together often and always had things to talk about. Barium would help take care of the toddlers when he had free time. This particular morning, he looked concerned.

"Mom, are you feeling okay? I noticed you've been kind of mopey. Isn't that my job?"

I laughed at his joke. It was true, he was usually the grumpy one.

"Well, I'm all right, but a little sad."

I was thinking about how the little baby I was carrying would always remind me of... him. I couldn't really answer Barium's question until Abriola left the table. I didn't want to traumatize the poor thing.

"Barium, I noticed you brought home a girl yesterday."

Barium's cheeks turned bright red and he looked down at his plate, picking at his pancakes.

"Yeah, it's nothing. She came home with me because she wanted to study with me. When we finished our homework, she flirted with me a little, but then when I tried to ask her out on a real date, she turned me down. I thought she liked me."

"Aww, I'm sorry honey."

Abriola finished her food and wandered off to a different part of the house.

"OK, Mom, I know when something's really bothering you. What is it?"

"Mm, do you remember when I broke my arm?"

"Yes. Does it hurt again? Should I take you to the hospital?"

"No, that's not it. I broke my arm because a man- a bad man beat me up."

"What the berry? Why would he do that?"

Barium cursed, and normally I would have chided him for using that kind of language, but I let it slide because it was fitting. I was glad to see Barium was protective of me.

"So, I am sad because- well because this baby is his."

"WHAT? He hurt you and then did- THAT to you? What kind of a- UGH! What a berryhole!"

"I'm scared I won't love the baby like I love all of you. I want to because it's not the baby's fault, but I don't know if the baby will constantly remind me of-"

I got up from the table and ran into my room, slamming the door behind me. The tears started flowing. I hadn't talked about him since the day it happened and Christian told me how I ended up in his care.

---

I woke up from my nap a few hours later. Christian was sitting by my bedside reading a book.

"Morning, sunshine."

"Is it morning already? I thought I was just taking a nap."

"Well, it's 9am. You've been asleep since 4pm yesterday."

"And you've been here the whole time?"

"Yes, of course. I wasn't going to leave you here by yourself. I just found you!"

"Hello, Sicily," a nurse said, walking into my room with a tray of food. "Here is your breakfast, sweetheart. How are you feeling?"

"Much better, thank you." The nurse left and I turned my attention to Christian. "How did you know where I was? I didn't even know who you were until the other day."

"It seems like a coincidence to me. I found you lying in the alley behind RavenMart. I was walking to my car when I noticed that familiar blue and pink hair."

---

Barium knocked on my door and opened it. He immediately pulled me into his arms.

"Oh Ma. Don't cry. Come here. We'll get through this. You'll be okay."

"Thank you, Barium. You're a good boy."

I was glad Barium reacted the way he did when I told him about what happened. It assured me that he would be a good man when he grew up. Despite Barium's support, I was still unable to stop crying. I missed having a man in my life, particularly Trent. Trent, I miss you so much! Why did you have to die and leave me here all alone? I wondered if I would ever fall in love again.  I wondered if my heart would let me since I felt like I'd given it to Trent. Could I ever love anyone else? Would I betray his memory if I dared to fall in love again? I longed for a real relationship, someone I could hold, who would hold me when I needed it, someone who would cheer me up when I was down. No matter how much I tried to get over Trent, his face kept popping up in my head.