Chapter 30: Numb

Numb. That was the only way to describe how I was feeling. I had pushed Vivek away very quickly even though he was one of the more interesting guys I'd met. He was better off without you. That's what I had to keep telling myself. Even though Tennan had said I was strong, today it sure didn't feel like it. Echelon's birthday was coming up and I was pretty depressed about it. He was my only piece of Austin I could hang on to and I really didn't want him to move out.

"Echelon, I'm going to miss you."

"Aww, Mom. Don't get all mushy... but I'll miss you too."

"Keep in touch with me?"

"I'm not moving out yet."

"I know, but I'm dreading it. I don't want to make you live here forever because you'll be an adult, but I'd be lying if I said I like that you are moving out."

A tear formed at the corner of my eye and rolled down my cheek. Before I could stop it, I started crying hard. Warm, strong arms squeezed me tight.

"Mom, why is it so hard this time? Diablo moved out and you weren't this broken up about it."

"It's cause you're all I have left of your dad and I'm stuck. Saying goodbye to you is like losing him all over again."

"I'll call. I promise."

"Do you think you'll stay in Ravenview?"

"I think so. For now. But I'll let you know where I go. I love you, Mom. Hey, I have an idea. Let's go take some pictures together. Does that sound good?"

I wiped my tears away and smiled. "That sounds lovely. You can drive."

"Really? You'll teach me how to drive?! Awesome!"

---

"Tennan. He's gone."

"Sicily, you will be all right."

His touch was gentle and loving. I kissed him.

We went outside. I put my hand on top of his.

"Sicily. You know if you fall for me, I'll no longer be able to live here right? I will have to leave you."

"Mmm.. aren't you attracted to me too?"

"Yes, but- we can't... do this."

Tennan moved closer and put his arm around me, holding me close.

"Sicily, I care for you deeply, I have ever since I was chosen to be your protector."

"You make me feel safe, Tennan. I need you here."

"Then I can't be with you in that way."

"Why?" I whined, feeling very vulnerable.

"You know very well why!" Tennan was scolding me, but I didn't care. I wasn't in control of myself right now. This time the urge was even stronger than I'd ever felt. I'm not sure why, maybe it was because he was resisting, maybe it was because he was even sexier when he was angry, maybe it was because he was a vampire. Dirty thoughts ran through my mind. I lifted the back of his shirt and put my hand on his skin, rubbing his lower back. He was very strong. He pulled away quickly and I thought he was going to yell at me, but instead he looked at me with care and concern in his eyes.

"No. Sicily, I care for you and yes, I am attracted to you, but no."

I looked at the ground, ashamed at what I had done, or rather, tried to do. Tennan was right. No man had ever managed to walk away from me when I got like that. He was right. I did need him here so we couldn't act on our desires.