Chapter 4: Reminiscing

"Oh, Trent, I miss you so much!"

I was still not over Trent. I didn't think I would ever be. My loneliness had gotten the best of me at the library when I screwed that Antonio guy. He didn't seem to care that I was just looking for sex, so I guess I was lucky in a sense. I didn't have to get involved with someone when my heart wasn't going to be in it. He was very cute and a good lover though.

I had made a habit of looking at the picture Trent and I had taken at City Hall and talking to it as if Trent were there. It helped me with my grief.

"Trent, I had a different dream last night. It was connected to the dreams I told you about when you- when you were alive.." I started sobbing again. "I wish you were here so you could hear me. My dream was about a forbidden love. It was so sad and it made me miss you even more. The girl was left alone because the boy was killed, just like us. I found out that her name was Alexandra Zenteri and his name was Vincent Agosti. Augustine is a beautiful boy. I wish you could have seen him. He has your orange skin and eyes. He's smart too. He has already figured out the peg box toy I bought him."

I stopped, realizing I was starting to ramble. All of a sudden I felt like my stomach was going to explode. I ran to the restroom and vomited heavily. Just great. I'm probably pregnant with Antonio's kid. It served me right for humping the first cute boy to come my way. Oh well, at least he was cute. I was shocked at myself for being so shallow, but there was no doubt that I had always been a flirt and a sucker for attractive men. I decided to make an appointment to check my birth control. Maybe it wasn't working properly. Sadness hit me again as I remembered when I told Trent I was pregnant.

Ugh. I was so sick of being sad about everything that had transpired. I was tired of research for now since my head was still reeling from the little bit of family history I had dug up. And my new dream? I didn't even know where to go with that. I spotted Trent's orange guitar displayed on the guitar stand in the kitchen. He had brought it with him when he moved in. I remembered how he could effortlessly play beautiful melodies. It seemed like he never had to think about the melodies, they just radiated out of his hands. I decided to play it a little. Maybe I could cheer myself up by touching something Trent used to touch all the time.

I picked up the guitar and felt the cold steel strings in my hands. I swear I could faintly smell Trent's cologne on it. I didn't know if that was just my mind playing tricks on me, but I wasn't about to try to convince myself of anything else. I strummed a little and felt slightly better. I was nowhere near as good as Trent, but holding his guitar was extremely comforting. It was almost like giving him a hug, albeit a cold hug.

My doctor's appointment confirmed my suspicions that I was indeed pregnant once again. I asked the doctor about my birth control, and he said that from the tests, it was functioning properly. He also reminded me of the importance of remembering to take the pill every day. I thought back and realized it could have been possible that I had forgotten. I had been under a lot of stress induced trauma lately.

"Hi Mama."

"Hello Augustine."

"Mama, I have bwock!"

"Good job, Augustine. Where does the block go?"

"In dis one!"

I had just woken up and was going to go say hi to Augustine. I then promptly started having contractions. In front of Augustine. Crap. I mustered up all the strength I had to call a babysitter for Augustine and 911 to get my fat ass to the hospital so that I didn't traumatize my poor son. How embarrassing.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"

"MAMA! Mama, why you cwy?"

"Ooh, Augustine, Mama's tummy hurts. Don't worry, Mama will be ok. Just keep playing your blocks, okay? Mama's going to call your friend Sally to come over ok?"

"Ok, Mama. Oogustee be good."

I named the baby Barium. He had fair skin like Antonio. I was watching TV when the doorbell rang. I opened the door, but no one was there. I stepped out onto the grass, looking around to see if I could find the person who had pushed the doorbell. Strangely, no one was to be found. I was just about to go back inside when I saw a rock in the grass that I knew had not always been there.

I picked up the rock, and it was surprisingly lighter than I expected. I found that it was actually one of those Hide-A-Key rocks that people use to keep spare house keys in. Curiously I opened the compartment and there was a key in it. I didn't know what to do with it since I didn't know who had left it or what the key was for. I put the key back inside the rock and decided to leave it on top of the bookcase.

RING! RING!

"Hello?"

"Hi, Sicily. It's Antonio. From the library. Want to hang out?"

Strange. I didn't know what to say, but I decided to go to his house. I brought Augustine since he was awake.

"Sure. I'll be over in a few."

"Cool. See ya soon."

When I arrived, Antonio answered the door in his boxers. I was a little turned on. 

"Hi Sicily. How are you?"

"I'm doing pretty well."

"I read in the paper that you had a kid. Is he... am I the father?"

"Yeah, you are."

"Sicily, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to just screw you and ditch you."

"It's all right. Honestly I was just horny that day."

Antonio laughed and smiled. "What did you name him?"

"I named him Barium."

"That's a cool name."

"Listen, Antonio, you don't have to feel obligated to me in any way."

"Well, I would feel kind of bad if I just dropped out of his life, and yours."

Antonio went into his bedroom and emerged a few seconds later with a check. "Sicily, it's the least I can do for you and Barium. I want him to have a good life."

"Oh wow. Antonio, are you sure? This is a lot of money."

"Yeah, I'm sure. If you don't want a relationship, that's fine, but I do want to help you by giving you this money."

"Oh my berry, Antonio, I don't know what to say."

"It's ok, Sicily. Take care of yourself. Goodbye."